Friday, November 11, 2011
@ 4:21 PM
Hello my dear bloggie... sorry for neglecting you for the past..... 2 years... alot has happened... i have had so many commitments that i've totally neglected you... i'm so sorry... but now i'm back because i need you.. a place.. for me to release my emotions..
Many people know me as an optimistic person, a very happy person, a 开心果... and to be honest, that's what i aspire to be as well. My motto in life has always been 开心就好! And all has gone well for the past 2 years... and maybe that's why I felt there was no need to come here to pen down my thoughts... my emotions... and even to keep a record of my activities..
But now im back to u bloggie. Sorry if i treat u so badly... I really need a place to release my emotions... you are the best k. only u stay faithfully by my side, waiting for me in silence for so many years...
Ever since I got together with nicole, i've been a really happy person. That's not saying there weren't any sad moments between us... but most of the time, i was really happy... its my first relationship and i felt what its like to love someone... and what its like to have someone loving me for the first time... other than my parents..
Well, I have to thank yifan... he was the one who introduced me to her. Afterwhich, we eventually felt that we clicked really well and so we got together. Unlike in ah niu's song, for me, 我很丑, 也不温柔... Apart from having a good heart, and being relatively optimistic. and an okay brain, I don't really have any qualities that will attract girls... I'm also stubborn, and don't know how to please girls. zzz.
And this caused me to lose the relationship. I have been too stubborn. I thought we were doing okay... we were practically glued to each other... travelling Malaysia, Taiwan, China, and spending 6 months in Europe together... its almost like 同居... I felt like I could be myself with her.. truly myself when I'm with BB.. and I really loved that feeling. And although sometimes she would complain I wasn't loving enough... I thought everything was alright... because I know deep down I loved her... and she loved me. As long as that remains, we can be together forever.
Right now... all i could think of are the sweet moments.... the little things that we did together.... shopping in the night markets in taiwan wearing colourful raincoats... hahaz it was so funny. the magical moments when i kissed bb... when she just lay in my arms and we would hug each other... sharing a single giant cup bubble tea... the time when she lost her winter gloves she lost her temper as well and we went all over the place looking for the same pair... in China doing a cip project together when most team members didn't like her (partly cos of me as well), but we stayed strong together... I still remember she fell sick... her eyes had some sort of infection... I was really worried...
And then in Europe... this was the most memorable part of our relationship... we managed to go for the same exchange programme at the same university Universite Catholique de Louvain despite me being from NUS and her being from SMU... 6 months of living together... that was when we realised there were some differences... I was a messy, lazy, passive person... she is a neat, organised, wants to do everything very early type of person. So we ended up arguing quite alot. But we practically only had each other to rely on... so despite everything... I felt our relationship strengthened... Yea... we travelled almost the whole of Europe and UK. I don't think I'll have such a chance ever.. ever again. Belgium, Netherlands... swiss alps, lakes, paris eiffel tower, germany italy spain austria hungary czech sweden iceland norway finland and england wales scotland.... lol omg. Now that I think about it, I don't think there are many couples who have travelled to so many places in their lifetime.. It was a backpacking budget trip yea... and BB was always complaining about walking too much or bag too heavy... but she stuck to me.. and once again, I felt we could be together forever. FOREVER.
But after returning to Singapore, everything changed. She went back to her school life, I went back to mine. She met an NTU exchange student in SMU... who tried to hit on her and treats her like a Queen. Listens to everything she says.. Pampers her.... Something which I totally sucked at. + he had better looks i guess. All these factors slowly accumulated and in the end, maybe she felt she deserved better... She does deserve better ba... I'm really bad at expressing my love, and i stubbornly feel that such pampering, such treatiing like a queen, CAN NEVER LAST. Eventually one party will get sick of it. At least, that's what i think. which is why i never did that.... BUT, she needs someone who can do that.
Yepp... so now i've lost her. i don't know what i'm feeling. I really really loved her and really thought we could be together forever... but now, I'm also disappointed. Extremely. All our time together meant nothing. The fact that we could be so comfortable with each other means nothing when someone treats her well. I don't know the actual facts, so maybe i'm abit harsh. I'm comparing this to something like a kid who will just follow a stranger who gives him sweets. She says I don't love her, but I do. I truly do.
Or rather, I truly DID. Because now she has shattered my heart. into un-mendable pieces. i don't hate her. She has her reasons and i understand, and also because i am stubborn on my side and obviously make no effort to treat her like the guy who wants to woo her. no matter what, now that she has left me, I dont think i can love her the same as I've done for the past 1039 days. Its really over this time i think. I'm feel sad just thinking about it. It was such a wonderful relationship while it lasted..
now when i try to look back... i realised... i indeed suck. I regret that almost 3 years of being together, and i've never keep track of all that we did, never really taken many pictures like couples do, that now when i think about our relationship... almost everything is just in my memory... Eventually when i grow old... I will forget about such a wonderful 1039 days I've had... and it will be lost. forever... It is such a sad thing.
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Myself
Name: Kai
Male, 21 and ummm... Double? =X
1 Feb 1988
Singapore
Pei Chun Public School class of 6A 2000
Raffles Institution class of 4R 2004
Raffles Junior College class of 2S03F 2006
BMT 0107 Hawk Coy
SISPEC Hotel Coy
0107 AISL
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Reminisce
Friday, November 11, 2011
@ 4:21 PM
Hello my dear bloggie... sorry for neglecting you for the past..... 2 years... alot has happened... i have had so many commitments that i've totally neglected you... i'm so sorry... but now i'm back because i need you.. a place.. for me to release my emotions..
Many people know me as an optimistic person, a very happy person, a 开心果... and to be honest, that's what i aspire to be as well. My motto in life has always been 开心就好! And all has gone well for the past 2 years... and maybe that's why I felt there was no need to come here to pen down my thoughts... my emotions... and even to keep a record of my activities..
But now im back to u bloggie. Sorry if i treat u so badly... I really need a place to release my emotions... you are the best k. only u stay faithfully by my side, waiting for me in silence for so many years...
Ever since I got together with nicole, i've been a really happy person. That's not saying there weren't any sad moments between us... but most of the time, i was really happy... its my first relationship and i felt what its like to love someone... and what its like to have someone loving me for the first time... other than my parents..
Well, I have to thank yifan... he was the one who introduced me to her. Afterwhich, we eventually felt that we clicked really well and so we got together. Unlike in ah niu's song, for me, 我很丑, 也不温柔... Apart from having a good heart, and being relatively optimistic. and an okay brain, I don't really have any qualities that will attract girls... I'm also stubborn, and don't know how to please girls. zzz.
And this caused me to lose the relationship. I have been too stubborn. I thought we were doing okay... we were practically glued to each other... travelling Malaysia, Taiwan, China, and spending 6 months in Europe together... its almost like 同居... I felt like I could be myself with her.. truly myself when I'm with BB.. and I really loved that feeling. And although sometimes she would complain I wasn't loving enough... I thought everything was alright... because I know deep down I loved her... and she loved me. As long as that remains, we can be together forever.
Right now... all i could think of are the sweet moments.... the little things that we did together.... shopping in the night markets in taiwan wearing colourful raincoats... hahaz it was so funny. the magical moments when i kissed bb... when she just lay in my arms and we would hug each other... sharing a single giant cup bubble tea... the time when she lost her winter gloves she lost her temper as well and we went all over the place looking for the same pair... in China doing a cip project together when most team members didn't like her (partly cos of me as well), but we stayed strong together... I still remember she fell sick... her eyes had some sort of infection... I was really worried...
And then in Europe... this was the most memorable part of our relationship... we managed to go for the same exchange programme at the same university Universite Catholique de Louvain despite me being from NUS and her being from SMU... 6 months of living together... that was when we realised there were some differences... I was a messy, lazy, passive person... she is a neat, organised, wants to do everything very early type of person. So we ended up arguing quite alot. But we practically only had each other to rely on... so despite everything... I felt our relationship strengthened... Yea... we travelled almost the whole of Europe and UK. I don't think I'll have such a chance ever.. ever again. Belgium, Netherlands... swiss alps, lakes, paris eiffel tower, germany italy spain austria hungary czech sweden iceland norway finland and england wales scotland.... lol omg. Now that I think about it, I don't think there are many couples who have travelled to so many places in their lifetime.. It was a backpacking budget trip yea... and BB was always complaining about walking too much or bag too heavy... but she stuck to me.. and once again, I felt we could be together forever. FOREVER.
But after returning to Singapore, everything changed. She went back to her school life, I went back to mine. She met an NTU exchange student in SMU... who tried to hit on her and treats her like a Queen. Listens to everything she says.. Pampers her.... Something which I totally sucked at. + he had better looks i guess. All these factors slowly accumulated and in the end, maybe she felt she deserved better... She does deserve better ba... I'm really bad at expressing my love, and i stubbornly feel that such pampering, such treatiing like a queen, CAN NEVER LAST. Eventually one party will get sick of it. At least, that's what i think. which is why i never did that.... BUT, she needs someone who can do that.
Yepp... so now i've lost her. i don't know what i'm feeling. I really really loved her and really thought we could be together forever... but now, I'm also disappointed. Extremely. All our time together meant nothing. The fact that we could be so comfortable with each other means nothing when someone treats her well. I don't know the actual facts, so maybe i'm abit harsh. I'm comparing this to something like a kid who will just follow a stranger who gives him sweets. She says I don't love her, but I do. I truly do.
Or rather, I truly DID. Because now she has shattered my heart. into un-mendable pieces. i don't hate her. She has her reasons and i understand, and also because i am stubborn on my side and obviously make no effort to treat her like the guy who wants to woo her. no matter what, now that she has left me, I dont think i can love her the same as I've done for the past 1039 days. Its really over this time i think. I'm feel sad just thinking about it. It was such a wonderful relationship while it lasted..
now when i try to look back... i realised... i indeed suck. I regret that almost 3 years of being together, and i've never keep track of all that we did, never really taken many pictures like couples do, that now when i think about our relationship... almost everything is just in my memory... Eventually when i grow old... I will forget about such a wonderful 1039 days I've had... and it will be lost. forever... It is such a sad thing.
